Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
