Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
