I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
