hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
