Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
