i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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