Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
