dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
