sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
