you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i out mim tonsoeep
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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