Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
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Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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