you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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