i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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