three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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