if you like me you must not know who I am
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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