But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
