Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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