ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
