Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
