you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
