but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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