Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
