i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
