Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just found my car keys in your throw-up.

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(770): View more from Georgia

The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

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(250): View more from British Columbia

dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..

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(585): View more from New York

we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night

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(224): View more from Illinois

Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker

(847): View more from Illinois

Do you believe in miracles?

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(224): View more from Illinois

I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.

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(951): View more from California

Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.

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