addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
