as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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