Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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