He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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