you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize