This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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