I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
