i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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