I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
