HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
