ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
