This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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