just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
