I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
