I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need moral support for this bender
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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