So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
