That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
