dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
