He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
