The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Alive.
So much puke
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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