i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
