There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
