Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
