Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
