Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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