I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
