Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
