never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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