____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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