I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
