The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
