do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
