i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
