I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
