at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize