My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
