Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have post one night stand depression
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