i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need moral support for this bender
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
