She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
