Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
