The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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