He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
